That Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the TV landscape of the recent year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward sequels to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have known it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.